Play Date 
Never again will I wonder why moms talk to their babies so much in public. A mom now myself, I understand all too well that craving for adult conversation, for human connection, for just plain spinning a yarn every now and then with somebody who can actually talk back. Granted, I am no longer a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM in postpartum parlance), but I do remember very vividly those all-day stretches where it was just me, NPR, and The Bump. I couldn't wait for Dear Hubbie to come home, not so much because I needed a break from childcare (which I did), but because I just wanted to talk, to gab, to get confirmation that I was still a functioning adult who had important things on her mind. Who had, I swear, a mind!
This brings me to my point (I do have one): I used to think SAHM's were the lucky ones, the ones who could afford the privilege of spending every waking hour (and we new moms have plenty of those) with their little bundles of joy. But now I'm not so sure it's that simple. To be sure, the SAHM is fortunate enough to enjoy the privilege of not having to work. But the same could be said for anybody, mom or not, who is in that socio-economic position.
I'd like to complicate the stereotype, if you will. SAHM's are not what they appear folks: they are working, all the time, and much harder than any corporate job out there, I'm convinced. Sure they don't have to put up with the tedium of office politics, the drudgery of administrative duties, or the pressure of deadlines. But they do have to deal with energy-depletion, sleep-deprivation, staying hyper alert and motivated all day long, and the art (and it IS an art) of maintaining just a semblance of sanity on those rare moments that find them among the living, among the adults, in the so-called "real world" that often looks upon a mother and her newborn as an inconvenience, an invisible dyad that shouldn't be in the "adults only" cafes and restaurants in the first place. (I'm not bitter, just making a point about how exclusionary some places can be when they see I've got a rambunctious baby in tow).
In other words, hats WAY off to all SAHM's out there. Never again will I say to a new mom: "Oh, you get to be a SAHM!" I'll be a bit savvier than that: with a smile, a knowing nod, perhaps even a light pat to the arm, I'll say: So, you're staying at home. How's it going? How are you?"
March 14, 2007
all mothers are working mothers
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2 comments:
I am so bummed we missed the play date! ethan had an ultrasound on his kidneys that we had schedculed months earlier, so had to go to that. they are normal but not the same size as each other. might have to go back for another one when his bladder is full. dr. going to get back to me on that.
thanks for your sahm thoughts. I keep thinking that having a baby is a good excuse for talking to myself in public. i always am asking ethan in the grocery store if he thinks we are out of something, and he's a) a baby who can't answer and has no opinion on that subject anyway and b) most often aleep when i'm talking to him. but around here all day it is either ethan or the dog and the dog's not talking either!
the thing about being a sahm is that there is no getting off of work. even kevin who is working like a dog right now (i wonder why that expression. right now my dog is asleep in bed under the covers) gets lunches, the commute home (yes these are the things i'm jealous of!) as at least some down time.
the other thing is i miss intellectual stimulation. i'd even kill for a big stack of papers to grade!!
well you don't have to kill for the huge stack i have to grade by tomorrow afternoon! and, trust me, V., there's not much intellectual stimulation going on in these essays right now...
finally, someone who understands how we can be envious of our husband's work schedules! i'm on campus two days/week and i STILL want to get out of the house every now and then. it's hard...but of course worth it. sacha was pointing out that we new mums have to be careful not to isolate ourselves too much, which i have a tendency to do on my days at home. were redmond not across the water, i'd be at your house all the time (if you'd have us!!)
keep us posted on how things go if you have another ultrasound!
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